Weblog
Wednesday, 02 December 2009
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Esther
(no, this is not about esther hao/lee/kim/yune/choi whathaveyou)
I was reading the Book of Esther the other night and I realized one amazing character of the Father displayed throughout the book: His amazing orchestration. Obviously Esther didn't really have the clearest idea what was going to happen to her in her life, nor even imagine that as a Jew she can associate so closely with people outside of being a Jew. But she won their favor (which probably wasn't done by anything she's achieved). And as I'm trying to narrate what goes on in that book, she steps into impossible situations one at a time, and recognizing that her life was never really about her and her plans anyway. She just followed. I bet once she realized she won favor in the king's eyes - all her plans for life kind of went out the window. She just stepped into her destiny as Queen...without even having to try much. The rest is history - as well as the salvation of God's people that apparently God wanted to do through her even before Haman even dreamt of conjuring up such hatred.
And the same I'm realizing this totally applies to my life. I have no clue where I'm going at times, nor maybe even have an ounce of faith, but if the God found in Esther is still true today - I'm actually not supposed to focus on the events that happen in my life, but walk fully with the knowledge and wisdom that the King really does see things that I don't see. I may think I'm taking random turns here and there and maybe even feel quite lost, but He's just slowly drawing me to those places. Can we ever get truly lost? I'm wondering if that's really possible if we walk by simply communing with Him. It's funny - we can look back and reflect on where we've gone and been and end up regretting things. But the truth is, sometimes we reflect at the wrong moments and totally not realize that if we waited a little longer...everything would make sense. Or looking at everything else surrounding the crap moments - that it actually may look quite different than we anticipated. Or maybe the crap moments aren't even crap moments at all - but a portal to stepping into newer and better things.
Haha, I think I'm speaking testimony of my life. Four years in college is not a very long time compared to life outside of college, but even in my "mistakes" these past four years I wonder if He desired for me to go there anyway. And because of the things that happened, they'll aid me ten years down the line. Or maybe from season to season realizing one season opened in order to aid another season months from now. Or maybe learning about evangelism, only to realize a huge door of evangelism will open at a very unexpected moment (GIGs?). The same with prayer, discipleship, sin-management, "struggles", "trials", and other lofty things we are faced with.
It's weird but I feel Esther helps me focus on the now: realizing, contemplating, soaking in the NOW. Because everything else really already is paved for us and just because I'm in the middle of a rut, doesn't mean my God has/have/will forsake me. He's really already in the business of giving me life, and life...to the fullest. I'm just unsure what that really paints into, until I arrive at it.
Monday, 30 November 2009
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Done modding my car :)
I finally got Anna tinted on Saturday, and this thus completes my modding process. In total this is what got done:
- rear spoiler (installation cost more than the spoiler itself. lame)
- USB music player (yes, it plays my music from a USB drive. no need for CD's anymore)
- integrated bluetooth (stops playing music and all the speakers turn into...speakers. it's nifty)
- all window tinting (dah, so freakin expensive, but necessary).
and no i wont lower my car, add weird gizmos, install a ridic sub-woofer, or get obama bumper stickers. maybe a UCSD one.
here are pictures!
well... i tried taking pictures! i really like my first picture though. i made it my wallpaper :) eyecandy for me!
Sunday, 29 November 2009
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Xanga Lifetime
Starting 10 mins ago:
I'm now a xanga lifetime-r!
.....why didn't i do this sooner? Hah, now I will never move blogs. I mean, who would want to if your name is Andy and your xanga address is...Andy?
hello again premium world...for life.
Saturday, 28 November 2009
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Writing my Revelations
I wrote this after some fun Kingdom-encounters I've had. I left it private until my adrenaline wore off, and here I am public-izing it and realizing that I still agree with it in this time and season.
I realize as God uses me that it's actually a mutual blessing. OF COURSE God is going to use you. It's a given - no questions asked. The only issue is when we focus on "how can i be a blessing to someone else." However, I feel the greater blessing comes when we can be like, "how does God want to bless me as I'm blessing someone else." It reveals the character of God. It reveals the reason why we're used as instruments. We're supposed to see God manifest answering the questions/desires of our heart, yet we focus so much on the other person that we miss out on the movement of God that wants to speak directly to your heart.
There is no need to go hunting for your imperfections and weaknesses. That's what we think God's in the business for - which is true too- but it's not anywhere near His desire for you to see the gold in yourself and love and takeoff with that. Let Him lead to you your weaknesses from season to season (especially as you're learning about yourself and as He sets time for you to search really deep within), but celebrate your immense gifts that utter how much He loved making you - and ACT out of them! Embrace them! Make mistakes with them!
And with giving God the glory. We say that - I say that. "it's all for the glory of God." what does that really mean? does that mean to DETACH ourselves from what JUST happened, and let it flow away so that our pride wont fluff up? "God, it's all You." No duh it's all God - He's the one that set you up! He's the one that planned for this divine encounter.I'm actually starting to realize when we DELIGHT and ACCEPT being used, that we see that it OBVIOUSLY glorifies God because we're accepting the gift that He wants to bless us too in that moment. "Hey I wanted to rock that person you just ministered to, but more importantly the reason why I planned to use you was because I wanted you to know that I want you to experience for yourself what my love looks like. And that you may be doubting my presence in your life, but here I say: I love you this much. Will you accept it?". When we recognize that He uses us so that we can see just how much He LOVES us, I think the only appropriate thing to do is accept that supernatural things can happen through you and roll around thanking God because He JUST encountered you too! Don't get caught up in the moment of someone else's blessing, stop and listen to what the Spirit is speaking to YOU.
Dang. I want to encounter God more in my life. For the rest of my life.
and to think - I'm on year 7 out of 50 (hopefully). Dang! What else does He want to show me.
BRING IT!
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
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When everything else speaks otherwise
I trust Your leadership above everything else I may see right now.
I refuse to lose hope because I know there is always hope in You.
I will let Psalm 62:5 minister Truth in the midst of lies.
You've intentionally opened up this hard season for them, so please continue to release Your Kingdom
Your leadership Father, Your perfect leadership.
Bring restoration. Complete and wholesome restoration. Something only found in Heaven, and marked by Heaven's scent.
And please show them how much You love them. A floodgate release of Your love that saturates to even the deepest wound as they come to know a Jesus who really does redeem, heal, and restore today.
True
Lifetime
